The Conservatives want you to talk about what Cameron is accused of doing to a pig

Charles Lawley - Regular Columnist

Politics is an incredibly cut throat business and the revelations alleging that, whilst at Oxford University, David Cameron put his penis in a dead pig’s head as part of an initiation ceremony when joining the infamous Bullingdon Club, may be the most ruthless piece of political manoeuvring in recent times. The establishment at the head of the Conservative Party and, more specifically, Lord Ashcroft (the former Tory party treasurer and long-time donor, who has written the unauthorised autobiography making this, and various other claims, about Cameron) have thrown the Prime Minister under a bus, a train and truck that transports farmyard animals to an abattoir in order to protect the chancellor, George Osborne, from having to take political flack.

This is all an elaborate smoke and mirrors tactic to distract us from Osbourne’s impending plan to scrap the popular Liberal Democrat policy, from the previous coalition government, of providing free school meals to children. The chancellor is the preferred candidate amongst the Conservative hierarchy to receive the head position in the party, once Cameron steps down as leader, and the party want to reduce the political damage to Osborne as much as possible on these brutal cuts, taking from the mouths of school children, so they have forced this story down our throats. Unfortunately we have swallowed it and we are loving it. Social media is awash with #piggate references and jokes. The DVD sales of Black Mirror must have gone up. We think we are doing damage to the Tory political machine, but we are just pigging out on what they purposely slopped out into our troughs. We are being too pig-headed to see this is masking an ideologically-driven attack on the nation’s children and we are letting Osborne butcher away at will and receive little heat. This is exactly what the Tories want.

A broken promise, expertly made to be overlooked by the media.

In their 2015 manifesto, the Tories promised to protect the popular free school meals, introduced by the Lib Dems in government, however it is another pre-election pledge they are breaking and distractions like this allegation make dodging accountability as easy as stealing acorns from a blind pig for them. This book’s claim is also helping to hide that Osbourne’s chop is to a Liberal Democrat initiative, and the Lib Dems are currently having their party conference in Bournemouth, giving them a platform to highlight what is happening to their free school meals scheme and to restate their case for the good they did when in government and the potentially regrettable things they stopped the Conservatives from doing. The less publicity to this chop and the Lib Dems and the more that the allegations in the book are on our lips, the better for the Conservatives.

‘We will support families by providing free meals to all infants.’

– Conservative Party Manifesto (2015 General Election)

Just look at who serialised the book this morning, revealing the allegations; the Daily Mail. You have lost your head if you would think the Mail would exclusively publish an allegation that would harm the Tory party and, in turn, boost the chances of Labour and the Liberal Democrats. If this was truly what the Conservatives didn’t want, it would be in the Mirror, the Guardian or the Independent. Also the book that makes these accusations is written by Lord Ashcroft who is a powerful figure in the party, having famously bankrolled them for years and, by decapitating it and having his way, he is nailing his colours to Osbourne’s mast. Mr Cameron was expected to pull out of the top slot in the party before the next general election, triggering a leadership election between Osbourne, Boris Johnson, Teresa May and some other figures within the party, however such a molestation of the Prime Minister’s credibility can only increase the possibility of a premature withdrawal from the Prime Minister.

A premature exit for the PM?
A premature exit for the PM?

We might find it funny and we might all be as happy as a pig in muck at how much damage the credibility of the Prime Minister has taken with this bizarre allegation and revelling in Cameron-loyalists trying to deflect the mud-slinging and qualify that it’s just part of the student experience, like drinking snakebite, stealing traffic cones and having rubbish hair styles. But what we are actually doing is being led, like pigs to the slaughter, away from the truth of the un-kosher things the Chancellor is doing to primary education as part his ideological driven assault on primary education and to protect his chances of entering the head office of government.

We shouldn’t allow ourselves to be distracted by the hilarity of the allegations and, personally, I find everyone making jokes about what Mr Cameron is alleged to have done very immature. You would never catch me making a pig gag.


Image credits: Crown Copyright.

About Charles Lawley 8 Articles

Charles Lawley is a writer, broadcaster and general muck-about-on-the-interneter from North West of England, currently residing in London. He has previously written for Bleacher Report, 4Music and The Football Ramble as well as being responsible for viral social media projects such as Tower Bridge Awareness and Fifty Shades Of Andy Gray. You can follow Charles on Twitter @CharlesLawley

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  • Thieving from the old. Thieving from the young. Thieving from the disabled. Thieving from those who paid in over a lifetime for our National Health Service. Goes very well with Osborne’s thieving – no, sorry, ‘mistake’ – which ’embarrassed’ him, when we realised he had taken our money to pay for his gardening and decorating at his (purported) Tatton Constituency’ home up at Rainow. And now of course our national reputation is also thieved. Anyone voting for this corrupt crew, should hang their heads in shame. They are wrecking our country.

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    My Feeling’s on this, are not complicated, I think Lord Ashcroft has decided enough is enough , I want to get my own back. So he has written a tell all on Cameron, While the story he tells, re the pig, will to other parties be a stick to hammer Cameron with,
    I Cannot see it Damaging him long term, there are things that will displease voters like his Manifesto broken promise to support all Infants families with free meals. he has been accused by his own people of trying to rig the EU Referendum, over all since the
    referendum on Scotland, he has been not at his best,to say the leat

  • Tom_Webster

    I find the support for Osbourne’s bid for leadership rather more convincing than the distraction from the immediate policy announcement. The media was sufficiently distracted by going into a hissy fit about the national anthem to allow the Trades Union Bill to slip off the front pages and it would be difficult to plan an autobiography so far ahead with such precision to cover a particular policy announcement.

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  • This is ridiculous. There’s no reason why we can’t have a good time laughing at Cameron and take a critical look at the serious issues. We’re not all so stupid that we can only do one thing at a time.

    • Heather Charlton

      Just re-read the last line. It’s a joke!

  • Mike Carroll

    At first I thought it was Diane Abbot!!

  • Liz Spencer

    Either that or the Tories want him gone. Corbyns got them rattled. The news about the free school meals was out there before bacongate.

  • Mr G Coleman

    I can see the logic behind your suggestions of mirrors and smoke screens being used regarding Osbourne’s intended attack on our school children.
    But I think you are missing one very important factor….while there is no doubt an enormous amount of comic relief being bandied about at Cameron’s expense. It will not take Corbyn’s eye off the game.
    Corbyn will disassociate himself from it and resist the temptation. He will instead concentrate on attacking Osbourne and the government over these latest cruel intentions.
    That is the strength of Corbyn’s nature….and that is the mark of a great leader.

    If your opinion prove right…then the Tory’s have yet again seriously underestimated Jeremy Corbyn.

    • Charles Lawley

      I don’t doubt that Corbyn is well above all of this, but I think you’re right, the Tories have (potentially out of arrogance, potentially not) written off Corbyn as a real electorate threat. Ashcroft obviously feels that the biggest threat to the Prime Minister is Osbourne, Johnson, May or Fox and not Corbyn, Farron or Sturgeon.

  • Peter Hockley

    But more on topic, they’d better be careful because Osbourne was a contemporary and member of many of the same clubs including The Bullingdon. The one really nasty fact that I’ve discovered from this, is that part of the initiation for The Bully Boys, was to burn a £50 note in front of a homeless person. The more I find out about this scum our fellow citizens voted into power, the more they disgust me. Hopefully a lot more people that might vote for them again. I still have some hope that the rest of the country will be as disgusted as I am.

    • Chrisaroo

      reading through comments about 95% agree it’s sick and twisted. the other 5% say we’ve all done stupid things when we were younger. I don’t count necroPaedophilia as just a “stupid thing”.

  • Peter Hockley

    It wasn’t The Bullingdon, it was another rich Bully Boys club, Piers Galveston, the lover of one of The Plantagenet Kings.

    • Charles Lawley

      I stand corrected. Thanks, Peter.

  • Stephen Hill

    “Feeding at the troth” shows the authors true contempt of his fellow voters. All while grasping the moral high ground about children not being fed.

    Don’t you see why the right would ignore you?

    • Charles Lawley

      Not an accurate quote from the article right in front of you, I didn’t misspell “trough” for starters, and you’ve confused one of many deliberate pig puns with contempt for my fellow voters. And, considering this is by far the most read piece of work I have ever had published and has gone viral, this is actually the least ignored I have ever been.

  • Ian David Pope

    There’s clearly an attempt to mount a coup against Cameron within the Tory Party. There’s a lot of rumours about Osborne’s antics as a student, so I can’t see him wanting Cameron damaged in this way. You are right about the smokescreen effect of the pig story, Osborne doesn’t want to be seen as Thatcher the Milk-snatcher of the 21st century.

  • christianguthier

    Excellent story!

  • Amander Wellings

    Love it and all the pig gags, but in seriousness, I believe the author is right and that swinegate is just a big cover up for the real tory misdemeanors, cuts and more cuts.

    • Chrisaroo

      I’m pretty sure corbyn isn’t going to miss whats going on behind the curtains, and he will make sure people hear about it in PMQs

  • Heather Charlton

    Charles Lawley does it again! Love his style. My favourite satirical writer at The Orator.

  • Stuart Poole

    Never mind what hes doin to pigs. What about what all polititions have done to our country.

    • Ian

      It’s not what they’ve done to OUR country…it’s pretty clear that it’s THEIR country and the rest of us should be grateful they allow us to live here and scratch for the scraps they allow us to have!!